MY STORY

Born into and raised in Hollis Center Church in the late 90s and early 2000s, I was consistently and deeply involved in the various ministries there. Eventually, in 2019, I was hired full time as the director of music, youth, and operations.

 

I'd been leading worship confidently for six years at that point - which is why I was so shocked on August 25, 2019 when I had a panic attack while leading our congregation of 200-300 people in music. In a moment, my world came crashing down around me - I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I had to vomit. It took everything within me to remain standing and fumble through chords trying desperately to not let anyone know what was going on...

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I considered the ordeal a fluke and stubbornly chocked it up to food poisoning or allergies. When friends, family, mentors, and even multiple medical professionals told me I was probably experiencing "anxiety," I refused to believe them. Even when I continued having panic attacks week after week at church, youth group, and in meetings, I wasn't convinced my issue could be anything but physical. Unrelated (or so I thought) to my ordeal, I enrolled myself in speech therapy three months later to overcome a lifelong, burdensome stutter. Upon making the heartwrenching discovery that my "mortal enemy" of a speech impediment had been caused by anxiety my whole life, I finally accepted the reality I was living.

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Skipping ahead to February of 2021, I was introduced to Pastor Steve Cuss's Capable Life program. In a Twitter thread, Steve eloquently and accurately described exactly what I was experiencing everyday of my life - and eventually named it "chronic anxiety." I enrolled in Capable Life's introductory course and set off on my grand adventure of not only becoming the healthiest I've ever been in my life, but also a staunch advocate for mental health. I am now close to becoming a certified professional in the field (approx. 2026).

 

The photo above is of me, before leading worship, peacefully resting in the same spot I used to have panic attacks every week.

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My relationship to God, others, life, and myself has become more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I firmly believe that God uses our curiosity toward our mind, with all its emotions, traumas, and thought processes, to heal us, draw us closer to others, and experience Him more fully. Blending God's Word, our faith, and clinical mental health is no small feat, but one well worth pursuing - and I'd love to get you started on the journey!